A Merry Dissecting Christmas! Happy Symmetrical Holidays! (Drabbles)
by ChidoriQueen
Summary: A collection of fun, silly, humorous holiday drabbles centering around our lovable Soul Eater cast! How many people can each of them piss off?
1. Zero Tolerance

Author's Note:

Merry Christmas and a belated Happy Hanukkah! I hope you guys are safe, happy, don't have lots of homework, and haven't been attacked by a horde of zombies! Enjoy these random drabbles!

"Merry Christmas, Stein!" Marie called out cheerfully, mug of coffee in hand, knocking on her partner's bedroom door, "Come on, you've slept late enough! We have the dinner party that Lord Death's hosting tonight! And if you think that I'm going to tolerate you wearing your lab coat get-up, you're completely-"

"Marie, give it a rest." His monotonous voice sounded from behind the thick door, "You know that I don't celebrate Christmas."

"Hello? It's Christmas!" She protested, leaning against the door frame, "And it'll be embarrassing if I go alone. Have some holiday spirit, okay, Franken? You'll be perfectly fine."

"There's no way I'm going to the party. Celebrations aren't my thing." He argued, voice presumably muffled against a pillow.

"I'm losing patience, Stein...I'll make sure that you don't dissect anyone. That wouldn't exactly be the best gift for Lord Death, huh?" The woman laughed nervously, caramel eyes wide and fearful.

"Pity...that was the only reason I might have gone. All of those vulnerable children-" Stein quipped, about to continue, when he was very rudely interrupted by his once strong and sturdy door splintering into slivers of wood that landed sporadically around his bedroom.


	2. What If?

Sid and Nygus were sitting on the park bench that was near the playground, watching as young, innocent children happily played in the fluffy flakes that were serenely floating down from the gray, cloudy sky. Snowball fights, snow angels, snowmen...it all made Sid nostalgic. Or at least it would have if he was still alive.

"You know, Nygus..." Sid sighed, his partner staring off into space and sipping a thermos of hot coffee, "I do miss Christmas. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Christmas trees, decorations, candy canes...I enjoyed that when I was alive. That was the kind of man I was."

The zombie's partner gave him a blank look, before responding in a monotone, "What if I told you that I celebrated Kwanza?"


	3. An Unfortunate Gift

Stein..." Spirit whined, clad in a striped, badly-knit holiday sweater, "I have a problem here!"

"And what could that be?" The scientist inquired sarcastically, leaning against his caster-wheel chair.

"I don't have any idea what to give my Maka for Christmas!" The death scythe complained, desperately shaking his friend's shoulder, "This is a disaster! I don't know how my wife- I mean, ex-wife- does it! All she has to do is send our daughter a postcard, and Maka's smiling, all happy and cheerful and adorable! Just like that!"

"Have you considered that it might be that she likes Kami more?" Stein added in boredom, turning the page of his newspaper, honestly not in the mood to hear his "friend's" daddy troubles.

"Stop being so mean, Stein! I'm being absolutely serious!" Spirit groaned, pressing his hands to his face, "Lend me a hand here!"

"Just give Maka something that she needs. Be practical. She's that kind of person." His friend sighed, adjusting his glasses, "Now please go away. You're bothering me."

"Hi, Maka!" Tsubaki called out cheerfully, beaming, "How was your Christmas? Did you get anything special?"

"Good morning, Tsubaki. Christmas was fine, thanks." The scythe meister waved and smiled at her friend, before she grimaced, "Well, except for one thing."

"What is it?"

"My idiot of a father got me pads for Christmas. _Pads._Even I didn't think he was this stupid." Maka grumbled irritably, "Besides, I haven't even gotten my period yet. God, will he ever stop screwing up?"

Author's Note:

Er...I hope I'm getting the character's personalities right! I'm not used to writing things without a million OCs. XD


	4. The Costume

"You are _going_ to wear this costume." Maka repeated forcefully, shoving a sheep suit in her weapon partner's face, "Do I _need_ to say it one more time?"

"Why do you get to be the shepard?" Soul whined, glaring at the infuriating girl that dominated his preteen life, "Everyone agrees with me, you do a better 'baa' or whatever the hell it is than I do. Besides, weren't dudes shepards?"

"Are you saying that all sheep are female? What kind of stupid argument is that?" Maka retaliated, olive green eyes blazing, "You are going to wear this costume. No objections, Soul!"

"You have to give me a good reason why." The scythe replied stubbornly, smirking as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, "It's just about as embarrassing as hell. I'm not just going to humiliate myself in front of everyone because you're deciding to boss me around. Well, Maka?"

"Well...err...I thought that since your hair was white, it would blend in with the costume."


	5. The Tree Dilemma

"Everything must be perfect!" Death the Kid screeched, running like a maniac around his eight-foot tall Christmas tree, "There's a reason why I bought two of each ornament at the holiday shop! Tree, you shall not thwart me!"

The weapon-meister trio were setting up the Christmas tree in preparation for the party that they were hosting for their friends, bundled up in coats and watching as fluffy snowflakes drifted slowly to the ground.

"You know, this is pointless, Kid." Liz yawned, adjusting her floppy Santa hat, "it's impossible to make a tree symmetrical. It all depends on what angle you view it at."

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! Had a very shiny nose!" Patty danced happily around with her Santa plushie, giggling and spinning around in circles.

"Nothing is impossible, Liz!" He replied impatiently, climbing on a ladder, silver star in hand, "Christmas, along with everything else, must be absolutely flawless!"

Kid placed the star delicately on top of the tree, examining it thoughtfully before moving it a couple of centimeters to the left. Ahem, did I say centimeters? I _meant_ decimeters, He wrapped strands of gold tinsel and colorful lights around the tree, humming carols to himself. Everything had to be absolutely perfect, from his secret recipes for hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies, to the perfectly-roasted chetnuts, to the tiniest light bulb on the decorations.

"Alright, Liz! Turn the lights on!"

The girl sighed, tapping the switch lightly with a perfectly-manicured finger. The lights flickered on, and for a single, heartbreaking moment all was well, before-

"Kid! Thanks for inviting us to the party!" Soul yelled from his motorcycle, Maka in tow, "I can't wait for-"

"SOUL! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? STOP THE DAMN MOTORCYCLE ALREADY!" Maka shrieked, her blonde hair flying in all directions.

"What the hell do you think I'm doing? OH CRAP."

The motorcycle crashed into the Christmas tree, sending the giant pine crashing to the ground, red and green ornaments shattering on impact, the silver start broken into jagged halves. The lights spluttered, before dying, and the tinsel fluttered dejectedly to the snow-covered ground.

"NNOOOOOOOOO!" Kid sunk dramatically to his knees, hitting the ground with his fists and sobbing, "Christmas is ruined! What's the use of having a celebration without a flawless tree...my life is so...utterly...meaningless."

"Nice job, Soul. You dumbass."

"Is it my fault that he was stupid enough to put his Christmas tree outside?

"You're the one who crashed_into_ it. I swear, you're way too young to drive."

"Are you saying that you could do a better job of it? Why don't you give it a try since you're so smart? Brat."

"Why don't you try getting better scores on your tests if you're so 'cool'? Idiot."

"Maka, you're really asking for it-"

"Am I?! Bring it on, scythe-boy!"

"Really-"

"GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!"

"..."


	6. White Christmas

The first white Christmas in a couple of years was indeed a beautiful one. The air was cool and fresh, the snow like powder, coating the bare tree branches with sugar. The crimson flashes that were the cardinals zipped through the winter-y landscape, and icicles glittered serenely from the rooftops.

Soul and Maka were strolling through the nearly-empty streets, filled with a sort of quiet beauty. The shops were open, rosy, golden glows spilling out from the windows.

"It's really nice out here, isn't it?" Maka exhaled, closing her olive green eyes. She was wearing the cherry red coat her mother had sent her for Christmas the previous year, and a pair of fluffy white earmuffs.

"Yeah." The scythe nodded, hands in his black coat pockets.

"So what did you come here to talk about?" The girl asked, sitting down on a green park bench, gesturing for him to sit next to her.

"Just to give you your Christmas present." Soul replied awkwardly, running a gloved hand through his white hair.

He handed her a messily-wrapped package, appearing to be slightly embarrassed. His partner merely smiled softly, accepted the gift with a murmur of thanks. He could be surprisingly sweet sometimes, when he wasn't acting like his usual dumbass self.

She took off her thick pink mittens to unwrap it as carefully as she could, and took out a scarf, threads of red and green wool woven together into a surprisingly-neat pattern. She grinned at him as she wrapped it around her neck and tucked inside of her coat, "Wow, Soul. Thanks so much. It's great."

"Merry Christmas, Maka." He gave her an uncertain smile, before she wrapped her thin arms around him, and pressed her face to his chest. Soul widened his eyes, before responding to the hug, closing his eyes as he felt the soft flurries gently land on his face.

White Christmases were quite nice.

Author's Note:

Aw...I found that really cute. SoulxMaka forever! ^_^

Merry Christmas, everyone!


	7. Holiday Spirit

It was a fatal mistake when Lord Death chose to wear a Santa mask as a result of his desire to appear "festive". He had purchased it from a nice vendor years ago, and had discovered it among his assorted possessions he had collected over the years. It had a wide, friendly smile (at least to him), the cheeks a rosy red.

"Dad, what the hell are you wearing?" His son had exclaimed in horror, his elf hat drooping sideways.

"I'm getting into the holiday spirit, Kid!" The shinigami had exclaimed cheerfully as he drifted inside the Death Room, ignoring the wide-mouthed stare that Spirit was giving him. "Don't be such a downer!"

The innocent children of his school had similar reactions to the horrifically-painted mask:

"IT'S THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE."

"PEDOPHILE."


	8. Bland Dreams

Marie grabbed her dark blue pea coat and fluffy white earmuffs, forcefully kicking open the door of Stein's home/laboratory, "Come on, Franken! Let's take a walk. It's fifteen minutes until midnight, and plus, we should celebrate."

"I'm one year older than last year. What's there to celebrate?" Stein said in a monotone, walking out of his lab and stretching. "But fine. I'll take a walk."

"Great! Alright, let's go!" Marie trilled, grabbing his hand and yanking him outside.

The snow from the previous week was still left on the ground, although it was currently lacking its former majesty, covered with dirt and soot. However, the night was cool, Christmas decorations remained, glittering from the homes of Death City. Laughter, carolling, and cheer filled the air, families still celebrating the end of yet another year, wistfully recalling memories, embracing children, parents, relatives, and friends.

"So, any things in mind for the coming year?" the weapon inquired cheerfully, a skip in her step.

"There are certain science experiments I wish to conduct," he answered mildly, pausing to allow a toddler and a chihuahua to run across the street.

"Not like that, silly," she giggled, batting him on the arm. "Like, you know...hopes and dreams. Not something so...bland."

"Are you trying to say my 'dreams' are bland?" Stein said flatly, giving her a sideways glance.

"Well, no, not really. Just something like...something that you haven't been able to fully accomplish before," Marie said thoughtfully, a soft smile upturning her lips.

"Is yours to finally get married?"

"...maybe."

"You're very predictable, Marie."

Her only response was a dejected sigh.

The partners were nearing the town square, where children and adults alike were gathered around the large clock that was ominously ticking towards midnight. There was approximately thirty seconds left, and the entire crowd was chanting loudly.

Marie shouted to be heard over the din, "Come on, we have to get a good spot!"

The two shoved their way through the crowd, in time for the final five seconds, "Five, four, three, two, one!"

"Happy New Year, everyone!" Lord Death cheered from the collapsible stage, clapping estatically.

"Another one gone by," The woman sighed contentedly, leaning her head onto Stein's shoulder, closing her eyes, "Happy New Year, Stein."

He gave her a weary smile, about to choose a response, before a loud shout interrupted the peace, "Ha! I totally knew that you two hooked up!"

Black Star gave them a thumbs-up, grinning obnoxiously from a couple of yards away, brandishing a camera. Tsubaki let out a sigh, shooting them an I'm-sorry-about-him look. Soul appeared to be looking away, obviously feigning disinterest, while Maka was stiffling giggles.

"Wahoo! These are totally going on Facebook!"

Marie blushed a deep crimson, stumbling to stand straight, "No, it's not anything like that!"

A flicker of irritation showed upon the scientist's face, before he slowly turned towards his weapon partner, face etched with malice, "Marie...I think it's time to make use of that strength of yours."

The two shared a meaningful look.

"YOU LITTLE BRATS!"


End file.
